"tell me what you don't like about yourself.."

Since today is Tuesday, Nip/Tuck day, I thought I'd answer the question I've heard them ask countless times. Besides the vain physical attributes like not having long enough hair, or being tan enough or the size of a stick, I don't like that I am always consumed with what others think of me.

Why should I care, I constantly ask myself, but then I always end up caring more than I originally did. I'm always worried of what people think when I talk or what I am wearing. If I go out do I look slutty or sexy? Are people looking at me because they are envious or because I look like a joke? Sometimes I wish I could read minds, but then that would cause a whole sleuth of different insecurities.

When I was in fifth grade, I was always seeking approval of myself from my friends by bringing myself down, so they would compliment me. I was later refered to as: a fisher for compliments. Well, it's true. I did it then, and I do it now. Part of me doesn't want to seem like I think I'm anything special, the other part needs constant affirmation that I am.

I've come to realize that this comes from being a multiple. I don't blame my parents, I can understand how difficult it must be to try and dish out enough attention for 3 kids. I can barely do it for Thunder and Lightning. But at the same time, a compliment would've been nice to hear every once and awile.

So, in an attempt to rid myself of the "caring too much what others think" phobia, I'm writting this blog. I won't be concerned with how many people do or don't read it and what they think of it.

This is for me.